The golden rules of a happy marriage
“Absolutely marry, you will be happy if your wife is good, and if it is bad, you will be a philosopher.”
The way to continue our social construction in a healthy way is possible with the continuation of a healthy and happy marriage institution. Problematic marriages are the cause of problem people and problem children. Eventually, the inclusion of them in the economic straits leads to individuals who are at risk of self-dispute, society and state structure. This supports social conflicts and terrorism.
For these reasons, the purpose of this article is to explain the solutions to many problems that may be experienced in marriage without killing your love of marriage and to give the mysterious secrets of long marriages.
In recent days, many of the couples who come to marriage counseling have not been able to understand why they are not happy in their marriage, and that they are ruthlessly questioning themselves instead of confronting their own problems.
The problems that these couples see as unbearable by couples who think they are unhappy to be separated from their husbands or who are unhappy to disagree are largely the result of differences in character, culture, understanding and behavior. The couples express their unhappiness in their marriage as follows: “My wife does not understand me”, “my wife has changed a lot”, “she does not love me anymore”, “no more endurance”, “we were better before we got married”, “I don’t know what to do” etc.
Expressing these complaints and expressing that they have had no problems until they get married, these couples also fall into the mistake of brutally tying the source of every dispute and debate that exists after marriage to the marriage institution mercilessly. Maybe they did not get married, they think that they would not come. But they are also struggling not to acknowledge the iniquities, the mutual despair, the ego dissatisfaction, the unhappiness of character differences, and the facts that can not be said, but the unreasonable, prejudiced behavior, the end result is not the institution of marriage but the creation of the persons themselves. For these reasons, the purpose of marriage counseling is to try to understand all the problems and conflicts that couples can not solve on their own, together with therapist, and to find solutions.
The easiest solutions to marriage counseling are; problems arising from misunderstandings. Because when we talk about the importance of looking at the things that are not as visible as they appear, the couples find their mistakes very easily.
In marriage counseling, couples may be required to renovate each other by giving homework. “How can you get him back?” it is the most important of these assignments. It should not be forgotten that it is possible to rediscover or seduce our partner every day. Do not hesitate to discuss this with your homework, do not try to find positive aspects of your marriage or situations that put you in distress, find your own work, avoid criticism, find common interests, do not compare O with anyone, do not limit moments with your friends, giving negative feedback about your family, not bringing your family home, taking care of yourself at home, and so on. it is aimed at seeing how much work the subjects will do to keep your marriage alive and to exacerbate your love.
Causes That Affect Marriage Authority
10 Golden Rule in Marriage
1. Marriage fit with piramidine,
2. Do not use imperative sentences,
3. Do not be judicial or accusatory,
4. Share roles,
5. Pay attention to communication and mutual understanding,
6. The Benchmarking
7. Establish a bond of love, respect and trust,
8. Do not neglect the eagle,
9. Color your sexual life,
10. Change yourself, not your wife.
1- Marriage Pyramid: There is a couple on top of a pyramid in a marriage that has not been a child. In a lower step, the family of the couple is in the second place. The third place is the couple’s friends and friends. As a child, the couple descends to the second row. The child is placed on top of the pyramid. The couple’s family goes to the third row, the couple’s friends and friends go to the fourth row. If you are in a situation where the first and second ranks are together, this is the reason for the conflict, if you show more interest to one who is in the second row than the one in the first row. Because marriage consists of two separate lives and two lives, one life is formed and everyone should know.
2- Do not use imperative Cümles: Never use orders. Any orders you use can cause your partner’s unconscious fears, uncertainty, and concerns to come back to life unconsciously. If you witness how a small problem has become a big problem, there are unconscious conflicts underneath which a confidential order of orders lies.
3- Do not be judgmental or accusatory: Thoughtless behavior, or breaking words, may hurt us. Never be judgmental or accusatory, but if necessary, judge yourselves then your partner. Ask a question, but do not interrogate. You calm down while your partner is angry. When you are confronted with a problem, instead of trying to find out who is guilty, you have to concentrate on solving and talk about solution. Remember every mortal, how soft and loving you are to be treated, do not like to be accused, worried about being criticized. So even if you do not do exactly what you want to do, just show understanding and do not hit your face. For example; change your style of speech and say “eat is very bad, you are not a good cook” instead of “you changed the taste of the spices you put on the food, the taste hid”.
4- Share your roles: What we mean by the sharing of roles in marriage is the question of what kind of vocations fall on whom in marriage. Who will make the promise on economic affairs, who will be responsible for household affairs, how to decide on which issues, who will be responsible for child care, raising and training, and so on. In a traditional relationship, women are primarily responsible for carrying out work related to children and children, the career of a man is often more important than that of a woman, and decision-making is often a man’s responsibility. In an equatorial modern relation; men and women share home, child care and decision-making responsibilities. During this sharing, they also adopt a role and task distribution according to their own. In some cases, we see that there is a difference in approach to role distribution among spouses. This difference determines whether the partners are happy or unhappy. In a happy marriage, sharing roles is very important. It is also a fact that the dominant role is evenly distributed. However, you can make changes to role distribution by making small numbers between occasions, which may be your benefit. Every role has a rule, so understand the rules of your partner and try to translate that into favor. From a social and domestic role perspective, women still play an important role in creating regular and meaningful links between family members and the environment, as they are still nurturing and caring. This means that women are more likely to be self-sacrificing for the well-being and integrity of the family.
5- Give importance to Communication and Mutual Understanding: Learn to communicate instead of just talking. Try to communicate instead of running away or giving up. Share your secrets. Your wife does not have to be your mother or your husband like your father. Co-ordinate child development, deal with economic issues, spend leisure time and often exchange emotions and thoughts on sexuality issues and learn the virtues of reconciliation. Because a little twist is better than breaking. Do not be afraid to talk about your situation and your feelings briefly. You will be able to help you understand situations and problems that you do not like with communication. Know where the nerve is and never push him. Try to be constructive in discussions and do not be too insistent. If the discussion is long, go to another room. Keep your temper or curses to yourself. Never humiliate your partner. Do not comment on every topic and say your opinion, wait before you tell your partner your opinion. And do not expect him to accept everything you say. Remember, like everyone else, you can be mistaken. Listen to your partner’s ideas and do not feel obliged to tell them your opinion. Try to think positively and try to empathize your mind and transfer it to your partner. Do not always try to be equal to province. Always be clear about what you want from your partner. For example; If you want to be hugged from your partner, do not expect to see it, just say it with a short sentence. Otherwise the spell may disappear at that moment.
6- The Benchmarking: Never compare your partner with others’ wives. This is the cause of serious debate and unhappiness. In comparison, the spouse falls into a feeling that he does not understand and feels himself alone, and the feeling of not understanding can lead to anger and resentment depending on the mood. People have differences in many aspects, such as the characteristics that come from creation and the conditions of growth. For this reason, each individual is unique, self-inflicted. A lot of features such as success, good looks, gender help, fast and sociable can be the reason for comparison. This is the pattern of behavior that has become a habit in some women. In particular, comparisons to sexual issues can open deeper injuries in the spirit of the spouse and constitute the basis for larger complexes. Do not compare it for this reason, just appreciate it. Because the comparison you want will show resistance to change, comparing it with others will not change it.
7- Establish Your Love, Respect and Trust: Respect each other’s privacy. You do not have to see the world from the point of view of your partner, just show respect. A lie is the worst enemy of a good marriage. You never lie. Do not go into hungry, sick, tired, angry, in the dining room, and in matters that are most important for discussion with others. This may damage the existing love, respect and trust.
8- Do not Neglect Egoy: When everything is going well in marriage, it may not be very important to be liked and looked attractive. But the fact that the ego has been satisfied when problems begin to emerge can help solve the problems. Everyone likes to be in love with him, to hear beautiful words.
9- Color Your Sexual Life: Be open to new sexual contacts with each other, do not be afraid to talk, do not be ashamed. Touch each other often, kiss, hold hands or even flirt at a distance. Never practice sexuality as punishment. Do not spare your bed. Always look cheerful, well-groomed, positive. Never enter the bed with a blur. Whisper things to your ear occasionally.
10- Change Yourself, Not Your Partner: Marriage wants you to give up your certain freedoms. At the end of a period of about 3 years couples should change and overcome the development phase. If you do not make mistakes during this time, it will be very easy to find the truth. Never try to change your partner, just tired and angry. Instead, take the good sides of your partner into the foreground and guide them through your behaviors. Feel that you are a couple in the same phase, not two armies fighting your behaviors. Even if necessary, sacrifice yourself, change yourself a little and help your partner get closer to you. Respond. Learn to donate. Sometimes you may even need to take it at the bottom.
On the last rehearsal; Wherever we are in the world, golden rules do not change in marriage. How modern, how Western etc. However, marriage institution does not walk when it goes out of golden rules in marriage, stumbles.
Remember, the wonder is not after the wedding.